I have to start this off on a positive note before I get really reflective and think about what this day meant a year ago. This day has been special to me for a long time because two people who mean the world to me got married 22 years ago!
Happy Anniversary to Matt and Rhonda!!! Your life and marriage has always been an example and a enormous blessing to everyone around you. Love you guys!!!
Today marks one year since my cousin Kevin passed away from cancer.
These are just some thoughts on what has hit me about his loss in this past year. They may seem like scattered thoughts…they kind of are. You have been warned. I ask for your prayers today for my family.
I was 28yrs old and it was the first time in my life I had lost someone close to me. My whole family had their world turned upside down and broken.
I will never forget worship that following Sunday. I was in tears before I walked in the door. I had to walk away when a friend showed me a picture of the buck he had just caught (Kevin’s favorite thing). Tears are not the appropriate response for a woman when they see a dead buck…at least not this woman. I didn’t even make it through practice. I cried. Singing lyrics like “above all sickness, above all fear, above every heart ache here, in earth and heaven, my God reigns”, I was done. The second service something rose up on the inside of me despite grief. Those words were just as true as they were the week before. The truth remained. God does indeed reign.
I cried when I was making a Christmas gift list and started to write his name. I did when I changed my cell number and saw I still had his number in my phone. I can’t look at pictures of those with cancer without an ache in my gut and movies about such things make me feel emotionally unstable.
The last time I gave Kevin a hug he was healthy, had long hair and was the sarcastic, funny man I have always known. My mom said that is how I should remember him. The pictures alone of him suffering were too much to handle. Cancer sucks! I want to punch it in the face.
We miss his laugh, goofy facial expressions, his sarcasm, his heart, his nicknames…
I could go on and on. My family hurts today. I hate that. I can be grateful for many things. I can see God’s faithfulness in the midst of pain.
I’ve only been “Chantilly” to one person…and we miss him today.