Don’t let the title fool you into believing I have figured this out. You would be mistaken. It’s been playing in my head for a little while now. I haven’t posted an uncomfortable blog post for 10 minutes so I figured I was overdue.
This thought rang louder while watching the Verge 2012 conference online. It was right down the street from me, and I was watching online. I realized what I appreciated about the many speakers I had the chance to hear (and I probably missed half of them) was that they aren’t afraid to…
Wait for it…
Live in the tension.
Sitting at my laptop, ear buds in, I listened intently. I swear even my living room felt thick. It was so good! These were speakers whose life gave them the platform to make a room or online observer uncomfortable with truth. It was well received. Not gonna lie, I loved it. It allowed me to not feel crazy cause all these other people have been in the thick of it for a long time. They are serving people in ways that stirs something strong in me.
I have never so badly wanted to get something so right. I’m constantly reminded of where my dependence has to rest, what my eyes must be set on and what I must do. Hope has come from some unexpected places.
I’ve never wrestled during bible study, prayer, every thought in my head and with most books that I read, like I have in the last couple of years. I mean really wrestled with like it was some kind of rope and the knots meant my life. This is not a bad thing. In fact, this is a good thing. As I’m reading my bible, I see more and more how this is the life we are called to. We wrestle with it, we grow in it. Some days you feel like you’re swimming around in it till your fingers are all pruny. There is a difference between living content and living with tension. This is good tension…but it’s still that…tension.
I will end with this. All my life I have seen God’s faithfulness. This season has overwhelmed me like no other.