Here we are again. Tuesday.
I took a look at the week ahead and saw madness. I saw that I had approximately zero nights at home between Sundays. My gracious husband took the kids to track tonight so I am sitting in quiet, writing, preparing for an upcoming sermon series and enjoying the worship music in the background. My work brain is fried but yet sitting down at this computer, a very different computer with all the necessary research tools around me, I am taking a deep breath. Yesterday it looked like a mile run and walking the track while the kids had practice. Tomorrow, it will look different than today.
But here I am. It was a full weekend and like most Father’s Day services, I have had thoughts and feelings all over the place. Gratitude was the theme. Then Anthony brought a message on Sunday morning. It’s the kind of message that comes from a place of brokenness and places that God Himself has made whole. Who doesn’t need that?!
Here was what hit me this year. While I can say this about the women in my family, and I will, in light of Father’s Day, I need to talk about them.
When I was young, I just knew I had a lot of people. Maybe not a lot, more like a few but in God’s economy of family, the few can be an army. I had an army. Here is what makes me cry, I still do.
When I was young I didn’t realize just how much of a capacity God can give to men to love and to father others. I didn’t realize it then because I just lived it and didn’t know any different.
When I was young, I didn’t know the cost of love. I didn’t know that God can use those who have walked broken roads to love the biggest and the best.
When I was young, it didn’t occur to me that I was getting glimpses of the Father heart of God. I knew little then. I am wrecked by it as an adult.
When I was young, I held on to the words of the men in my family. I didn’t realize how special it was until I got older and I realized how their words shaped me. It didn’t occur to me that those words were words that protected me. I am about to prepare a message…about the bible…to give in front of people…and tell them about Jesus. I haven’t had to overcome years of being told I couldn’t or shouldn’t when it comes to ministry. Why? The boldness of a heavenly Father and Godly men who spoke truth and encouragement (and correction…trust me) over my life.
When I was young, I thought it was movie nights, Sunday mornings, kitchen tables, silly jokes, basketball games I was NEVER going to win and a thousand other moments.
As an adult, I see far more clearly of what shapes someone. I see how it shapes what I find special. I see how their instruction shaped how I read the bible with curiosity, wondering what something means or how did they get water on that mountain.
When I was a kid, I just thought it was my life and man, it’s not like everyone else’s. That was ok.
As an adult, I see my kids, my cousins, nieces and nephews, church family and friends and I see how this gift goes on.
Father’s Day can overwhelm with gratitude, regret, disappointment and happiness. Maybe it is a day of great heartbreak, questions and unanswered prayers.
I don’t know what it is for you, but I know what to do when Monday comes. Sometimes we can’t do anything on a day full of emotion… When Monday shows up, I remember what has shaped me. I remember how it continues to. I know the kind of love that makes the difference and that God is who enlarges our capacity. He enlarges our capacity beyond our mistakes, inadequacies, grief, defeat and victories. He does it. And that, that is when we love like Jesus. That is when the Father heart of God is on full display…through broken men and women who are open to Him.
So regardless of your parental status, hear me loud and clear: YOU MATTER! Your influence rests in a capacity that is beyond you and that is where you will see it shine far brighter than you ever thought possible.
Do it! They are watching.